Sunday, November 3, 2013

My Cousin Made Me Fat!

 
 
I blame my cousin, and my friends. I went to college, in a new town my cousin invited me to live with him while I was in school. Start of freshman year I weighed 150 and was 6'0" end of freshman year I was 6'1" and 200 lbs.
 
 
now I'm in my last year of college and I'm 230lbs. The pictures are from the second week of freshman year and from the fall of sophomore year! 
 
 
Thanks cous, you 
made me fat. -Anon

Monday, September 10, 2012

Slimfast!


Slimfast, you make me fat.

Your smooth, chocolate goodness doesn't really fill me up. Should I starve after drinking you? No! So, after drinking you, I allow myself to eat solid food. The problem is that you are a high calorie drink, so when I eat in addition to drinking you, I get fat.

Thanks a lot Slimfast! Instead of making me thin, you are making me fat. - Anonymous

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Home Schooling



Oh homeschooling, you have made me fat.

Not only do you suck all of my productive time away in the morning when I'm most likely to exercise, but now with cooking and baking lessons you have made me extra fat.

Why are cookies an easy baking lesson to teach children? And why do they taste so good while watching an educational documentary with the kids?

Homeschooling, you have made me fat. - Rebecca

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Pinterest Made Me Fat


Oh Pinterest - you have made me fat!

When I could be up doing something active, I am sitting here on the couch clicking away - pinning ways to "get healthy" while also pinning a million amazing recipes to try. The whole time I am sitting doing nothing.

What do I do when I get up? Well I can tell you I don't remember those "get fit" tips - but I do remember the No Bake Peanut Butter Rice Krispie Treat recipe!

Thanks Pinterest for sucking my time and yes, making me fat!!! - Anonymous

Monday, August 20, 2012

Netflix Made Me Fat


Before you existed I was confined to what was on TV in the present moment. I was forced to care about plot lines and characters for only a few hours a week at a time. Now I am swallowed whole by six seasons of LOST and a couch that won't let me up. 

Jack Bauer forces me to endure his 24 hour days in a real 24 hour setting. How many seasons of Dr. Who are there really?

The problem is I can't sleep, I can't work, I can't do anything until I'm sure that the refugees of the Cylon invasion make it to earth. That will take at least 83 episodes, and I'm sure 15 more pounds will be waiting for me there.

Thanks Netflix. You made me fat! Jeremy

Friday, August 10, 2012

Television


Television has made me fat!  I sit there watching one of my favorite shows, Biggest Loser, watching people loose weight and working out and what happens?  I get HUNGRY!!!!!!  I crave ice cream while I watch them doing a last chance workout!  I think there must be weird subliminal messages throughout the show driving us to all want to eat and end up being a contestant.
And then - there is watching LOST - - good grief what a maddening show.  Makes me nervous and nervous energy turns into what?  A desire to eat!  I watch the show and can't sleep - so what?  I want to eat!  

The Food Network - well that is a given - I want to eat!  

Thanks television - you have made me fat!  - Stephanie

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Secret Candy Stash


The bags of candy I keep hidden under my bed make me fat.

As soon as I turn on the TV at night, they crawl up the bed skirt and throw themselves at me.  The only way to stop their all-out attack is to thin their numbers until they retreat in fear.

My bedroom is a war zone and my waistline is the battlefield.  I lose ground; I gain ground.  The fight is ceaseless...  - Anonymous

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Pioneer Woman


Ok Pioneer Woman - with your big ranch and millions of pounds of butter!  I blame you for making me fat!  Your recipes call for loads and loads of butter - not to mention all the sugar, oil and eggs!

My daughter loves your show and gets up early to see it only to come and tell me all of the wonderful things you have cooked that day - making me hungry before I am even out of bed.

This morning we made your Make-ahead Muffin Melts filled with cheese, bacon, mayo and eggs - and YES - they were fabulous - but I think your recipes have made me fat  -  Anonymous

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Pregnant Wife

I blame my wife for her cravings during 5 pregnancies. I think I gained more baby weight than she did. - Anonymous

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Moving


No friends, hot days, compulsive eating to feel better about the horrible trauma I put my family through, too much BBQ… 
 
Moving made me fat.  - Jeremy